I Hate Endings

All of my life I have secretly wished that I was Scarlet O'Hara from Gone With the Wind. I don't know why, but I have always been very drawn to the story. When I was in high school, I used to watch the movie all the time in an effort to make myself feel better- my life was not nearly as bad as hers. I had never mistakenly spent the greater part of my life loving the honorable Mr. Ashley Wilkes only to find out that I really loved my husband the day that my best friend died. And I had certainly never had my husband leave me with the words, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." I knew that as long as my life wasn't as bad as hers I would be fine. However, I finally read the book and had a crushing realization... I have my own Ashley. " 'He never really existed at all, except in my imagination,' she thought wearily. 'I loved something I made up, something that's just as dead as Melly is. I made a pretty suit of clothes and fell in love with it. And when Ashley came riding along, so handsome, so different, I put that suit on him and made him wear it whether it fitted him or not. And I wouldn't see what he really was. I kept on loving the pretty clothes- and not him at all.'" Scarlett spent 12 years "loving" Ashley. Cut that in half and I'm starting to feel pretty bad about myself. Ha ha. At least I recognized that my Ashley didn't fit the suit before the love of my life walks out the door.



Another realization that I had was that I have separation issues. With people, books, and television shows. Yes, I know...I'm a weird person. But whenever I know something is going to be over I drag it out. I put off watching the last episode of Gilmore Girls for weeks. I had to force myself to finish Gone With the Wind. When did I get so sentimental? I hang on to friendships that I should have let go of many moons ago. Also, I want to marry Rhett Butler. I think that he may be the main appeal of the story. It's funny how much I learn from books- especially things about myself. Ha ha.