Things that change

"I'm tired of chasing my dreams. They can just tell me where they are going and I'll catch up with them later..." I don't know who said this, but I feel like maybe they were applying to graduate school. Lately so many things have been changing. Usually I'm not very good with change. However, lately I've needed it. There was a song Bethany Joy Galeotti sang on One Tree Hill many moons ago that pretty much sums up my life. It goes, "It's October again, leaves are coming down. One more year has come and gone and nothing's changed at all. Wasn't I supposed to be the one who can face the things that I've been running from? Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown Let me fall, even if I hit the ground And if I... Cry a little Die a little At least I know I lived, just a little... I've become much too good at being invincible I'm an expert at play it safe, and keep it cool But I swear this isn't who I'm meant to be I refuse to let my life roll all over me... Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown Let me fall, even if I hit the ground And if I... Cry a little Die a little At least I know I lived, just a little... I wanna be somebody I, I wanna be somebody I wanna be somebody I, I wanna be somebody who can face the things that I've been running from Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown Let me fall, even if I hit the ground And if I Cry a little Die a little At least I know I lived... It's October again Leaves are coming down One more year's come and gone And nothing's changed at all" I don't want to go another year alone. So if my entire life needs to be shoved in a blender and everything gets all mixed together, so be it. I need to be different. I need to be more. I don't want to be one of those people who looks good on paper but seems a little dry in real life. Mainly I'm just sick of being afraid of everything. Another song from One Tree Hill is kind of how I'm feeling right now, "you cant break a broken heart, so try you best now baby, try your best to break me, you cant break a broken heart, no damage you can do now i'm immune to you now, you cant break what broke apart". My heart has been broken so many times that I'm not sure there are big enough pieces left to hurt. So my thinking is that I have no where left to go but up, right? As I told my therapist, "I know how to be healthy, now I need to figure out how to be happy". And I'm finally willing to risk enough to do a little trial and error. I wrote before about the enormity of the options before me. Well, I'm sick of sitting around trying to figure out which one will be best. I'm just going to jump into options until I find one that fits. So if you have any suggestions, I'm willing to test it out...