Same Mistake and Divine Retribution

I do believe that I am the dumbest person on the planet. I keep making the same freaking mistake and then I sit there and wonder, "How did I end up here?" Like it isn't exactly the same every time. There is a good possibility that I have a Savior complex... and it keeps getting me into trouble because I think that I am strong enough to handle it and that I could really help someone. But no one is that strong and I am so sick of breaking my own heart in exactly the same way. Is there anyone out there who would be willing to physically restrain me? I would really appreciate it. And maybe actually take my phone away? Great. Anyway, so I said I wasn't going to see him again EVER- maybe I'm setting my goals too high- but I still walked outside when he showed up at my house... and here is the part where the divine retribution comes in, my eye is now swollen shut. Serves me right. Maybe I'm allergic to him? Hopefully. Anyway, here are the lyrics to James Blunt's "Same Mistake" because it's exactly my feelings and it's put much prettier than I could write it.
"And so I sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night.
Said he'd seen my enemy. Said he looked just like me,
So I set out to cut myself and here I go.
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.
And maybe someday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak."

I'm Just a Girl

My mom fell in love with this song when I was in the fourth or fifth grade, the song was Spiderwebs, by a band called No Doubt. Over the years she has always loved them- she especially identified with the lead singer, Gwen Stefani. She also LOVES contributing to charities. So imagine the happy joy my brother and I had upon discovering the not only was No Doubt getting back together- they were going on tour- and their tour started in our very own town, at Tiger Jam (a charity concert for the Tiger Woods Foundation). The perfect birthday present for the mother who has EVERYTHING. Last night was the concert. We had a blast. The opening act was a band called The Sounds- I'd never heard them before but I'm sure some of you have. Then Paramore went on and rocked the house. Finally, Ben Rothlesburger and Tiger Woods came out and introduced the main attraction. The highlight of the evening was when they played Running to a video montage of them in their early days...I love sentimental crap like that. The only draw back was that either Paramore or No Doubt, maybe both has a large following of PDA prone lesbian couples...it was very distracting. There was also this older couple a few rows in front of us and the wife kept reaching down and rubbing her hand ALL over her husbands butt. My little brother and I were scarred for life. Seriously people, no one wants to see you all over another person in public- if you can't keep your hands off each other, get a room instead of concert tickets. I'm just saying. Over all, it was a very enjoyable evening and relatively good family fun. And yes, I actually took a couple of pictures... be proud.

If We Don't Stand for Virtue Who Will?

Sister Elaine S. Dalton posed that question when the Young Women general presidency added virtue to the list of young women values. A couple of nights ago I had a very interesting conversation with my best friend from high school. She's made some decisions that are very different than the decisions I have made. And she typically spends a great deal of our time together deriding me for being a prude and being too religious. As a result, I don't spend that much time with her anymore. But as we were sitting in my car talking she gave me the advice, "have fun kissing, but don't go any farther- it isn't worth it". I almost started crying because I realized that she regrets the decisions she's made. It also brought home this quote for me, "Often those who publicly deride you for your high standards privately do not want you to violate them. They need your good example." I can't think of any way I can be a better example to others than by being virtuous. President Hinckley said, "there is nothing in this world as magnificent as virtue. It glows without tarnish. It is precious and beautiful. It is above price. It cannot be bought or sold. It is the fruit of self mastery." I am grateful for the doctrine of virtue in my life, it has saved me a lot of heart ache in the past. I am also grateful for all my gorgeous virtuous lady friends- they are wonderful people who are great examples to me- I love you guys! To wrap things up I would like to leave you with an excerpt from Pres. Hinckley's How Can I Become the Woman of Whom I Dream speech, "You are creatures of divinity; you are daughters of the Almighty. Limitless is your potential. Magnificent is your future, if you will take control of it. Do not let your lives drift in a fruitless and worthless manner...For you my dear friends, the sky is the limit. You can be excellent in every way. You can be first class. There is no need for you to be a scrub. Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things others may say about you....Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with a great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life and look for its opportunities, and forever and always be loyal to the church. Never forget that you came to earth as a child of the divine father with something of divinity in your very makeup. The Lord did not send you here to fail. He did not give you life to waste it."

WTHeck?

I realize that I'm not exactly a fount of common sense, so there are a lot of things I don't understand... Jason Mraz for example... but how is it that you can know everything about a person and still need them? How can you know that someone is shallow and insecure and totally clueless and still depend on them? How can you let someone so completely untrustworthy have so much of you? You know that you are giving them all the ammunition they need to hurt you, but you still need them? How many times do you need to let the same person hurt you in the same way before enough is enough? How can you love and hate the same person with equal measure? I guess I'm trying to be rational about something irrational. But what adaptive purpose could this phenomena possibly serve? It makes no sense, yet most people experience it.

Things I wish I learned in college (or high school)...or really anytime.

1. How to work blinds. I get how to open the slats but putting the strings off to the side so you can just lift up the whole shebang totally confuses me.

2. How to check to make sure the LinkSys box is plugged in before I freak out about my wireless not working.

3. How to get asked out on a date (by someone appropriately aged- I'm not really asking for much, just somewhere between the ages of 20 and 40).

4. How to avoid walking into the bench at the end of my bed everyday of my life.

5. How to get a job without any experience to speak of.

6. How to flirt my way out of a ticket with a woman police officer (apparently batting your eyelashes and feigning innocence has no effect on your own gender.)

7. How to stop a fourteen year old boy from propositioning me.

8. How to respond to the statement "you have big tatas."

9. How to stop getting hit on by men twice my age.

10. How to stop my parents from comparing me to my siblings.

11. How to stop a moving car from the passenger's seat.

12. How to make a decision.

American Soldiers

So, tonight I was watching this heart wrenching episode of CSI New York (because Danny is freaking hott and he totally beat up this racist guy) about the holocaust. I pretty much just sat in front of the tv and balled the whole time. But, they were showing clips of survivors talking- not real survivors- one of the survivors was talking about being saved by American soldiers and I just had this flash of extreme pride or patriotism or something come over me. Nothing can make me cry like a soldier. Just picture for a minute, you're in a prison, you've been tortured- sometimes for years- most, if not all of your family is dead, you've seen countless acts of barbarism, brutal murders, and there is no end in sight... then one day you look up and instead of your captors you see an American soldier. Just imagine the feeling of relief, safety, freedom. I can only imagine- I've obviously never been through anything that horrific. I don't know if I've ever shown my patriotic side to everyone before, I know most of you are picturing liberal Jessica in one of her- I want civil rights rants. But, without soldiers, I wouldn't have any rights. Without soldiers, we would still be English- paying crazy taxes to the king and drinking tea with horrible accents. And everyday we have soldiers in our country who wake up, prepared to defend those rights- with their lives if they have to. I can't possibly express my gratitude. Or my pride to live in the USA. So, I'm glad you got to be a part of my American soldier soliliquy. Here are the lyrics to Toby Keith's American Soldier. I cry everytime I hear it on the radio. I also cry at the national anthem. Just thought I'd share. Now you all have some ammunition to use against me.

"I'm just trying to be a father,
Raise a daughter and a son,
Be a lover to their mother,
Everything to everyone.
Up and at 'em bright and early,
I'm all business in my suit,
Yeah, I'm dressed for success from my head down to my boots,
I don't do it for money, there's still bills that I can't pay,
I don't do it for the glory, I just do it anyway,
Providing for our future's my responsibility,
Yeah I'm real good under pressure, being all that I can be,
And I can't call in sick on Mondays when the weekends been to strong,
I just work straight through the holidays,
And sometimes all night long.
You can bet that I stand ready when the wolf growls at the door,
Hey, I'm solid, hey I'm steady, hey I'm true down to the core,
And I will always do my duty, no matter what the price,
I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrafice,
Oh, and I don't want to die for you,
But if dyin's asked of me,
I'll bear that cross with honor,
'Cause freedom don't come free.
I'm an american soldier, an american,
Beside my brothers and my sisters I will proudly take a stand,
When liberty's in jeopardy I will always do what's right,
I'm out here on the front lines, so sleep in peace tonight..."

And to all of you American Soldiers out there, I'd like to extend a profound thank you for your service. God Bless You!

If you want to make God laugh...

Tell him your plans.

I'm officially applying to law school in the fall.

Who would have guessed?