People who matter and things that don't...

What I really meant to say was people who don't matter, but that didn't sound nice. Ha ha. Lately I've been realizing what relationships in my life matter and who I actually care about. And let me tell you, the relationships that are most important are the ones I put the least amount of effort into. It should be that way. Friendship shouldn't have to be a hard thing. Thursday Caytee and Preston stayed with me in Vegas. Let me tell you, Caytee and I are complete opposites in so many ways, but our friendship has always been so easy. And we can always find something that both of us enjoy doing. Even if we haven't talked for weeks, I can pick up the phone and everything is exactly the same between us.
There are a lot of people in my life like that. I feel kind of like an idiot for spending so much time trying to make friendships/relationships work with people when it took so much time and energy. Most people like me. I get told frequently that I am a very likable person. I'm done working at things that should come naturally. I haven't talked to most of my problematic friends for quite a while now, and let me tell you, I don't miss them at all. I always thought that I would. But no. Is that bad?

Now let me tell you about some things that don't matter. What you do for a living: honestly, I wish someone would have told me this years ago. I always based my self worth off of the idea that I needed to have this major or this job or go to this school. Seriously, people keep assuming that I'm bored not working, that it must be driving me crazy...Heck no. I'm catching up on my reading and movie watching. I started doing crafts again. I have time to go on a walk and I get to sleep, which we all know is one of my favorite things. I also figured out that it's not the end of the world if I don't get into the graduate school I want to go to. Adapt. Change. I can be such a spoiled brat sometimes. But I'm done throwing temper tantrums when things don't go my way. Recently I've discovered that I'm scared of almost everything. I'm so sick of that. I'm also sick of the idea that I need to do something amazing with my life. Why can't I just be ordinary. What's wrong with being a normal person?

As Preachy as I Get

Hey everyone should go check out www.mormon.org. Even if you are a member of the church- it never hurts to brush up on doctrine.

He's just not that into me...

I suck at living my life so from now on each of you is going to take a day of the week and run my life. Ha ha. But seriously. If I have to tell my therapist one more time, "you told me so." I'm going to freak. So, yes, I should be in graduate school right now, so yes, I shouldn't take life so seriously, so yes, moving to Las Vegas to run away from my life was a bad idea. To be honest, when it comes to my life, I feel like I make nothing but bad choices. A dear friend (if you know who I'm talking about you know that was sarcastic) recently asked me "What in the HELL are you doing with your life right now?" My answer...silence. If I knew that, we wouldn't have been having a conversation right then, or ever. So, I spent all day today fighting with my mom about everything from my car, to what I majored in in college, to my religion, to the boy (or lack of one)in my life. In between these arguments I read He's Just Not That Into You. Let me tell you. He's just not that into me. "Beware of the word 'friend.' It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep." Also, "...What I can do is paint you a picture of what you'll never see when you're with a guy who's really into you: You'll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You'll never see you ruining an evening with friends because your calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You'll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn't have." I've accepted this. And the best part is, as this realization dawned on me, rather than falling back on the old stand by and crying, I just started laughing. I think it's a relief to Finally be free of the confusion. And I'm going to take the advice of the book, "There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he's your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him." So, I now have the boy thing figured out. That just leaves every other aspect of my life out of whack. Whatev.

New Year's Resolution

I have always been the kind of person who hates making New Year's Resolutions. I have always thought that it was dumb. No one ever keeps them. I mean, it's nice to think that I will loose a thousand pounds this year or get rid of all my stuff or stop drinking pepsi... but I won't. However, in 2009 there is something I would like to resolve. This time next year I will not be in the same crappy non-relationship with the same stupid non-man (To borrow from Miranda Lambert- "he doesn't look much like a man from where I stand" or to borrow from Luke Crane- "tell him to be a man"). I wanted things to change but I didn't make any effort to change them, "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." I'm done being a victim and I'm done being a plaything.
Today, my whole extended family got together to celebrate the new year and my seventeen year old cousin brought his seventeen year old girlfriend... and she was wearing his promise ring. They are planning a temple wedding. My seventeen year old cousin is mature enough to be in a healthy relationship, but I can't pull it off. My uncle took immense pleasure in pointing out that both my seventeen year old cousin and my fifteen year old cousin would probably get married before me. I'm the only person in my whole extended family over the age of twelve who isn't in a serious relationship. Something has to change. My mother wants grandchildren. Ha ha! So, the thing that I've decided needs to change is that HE needs to go. Away. And I'm going to need some help, but not from Nicole because we've already proved that she is really bad at it... Ha ha (You shouldn't have given the phone back to me- I still love you though).

Kindly Unspoken

So this is Kate Voegele, not Taylor Swift...

As high as the moon
So high were my spirits
When you sang out my name

And coming from you
It was enough just to hear it
Oh, it rang like the bells did today

But even the sturdiest ground
Can shift and can tremble and let us fall down…

Kindly unspoken
You show your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words
It’s lucky I’m clever
Cause if I didn’t know better
I’d believe only that which I’d heard

In the days of my folly
I followed your lead
Did what Simon Says to do

But I won’t let melancholy
Play me for a fool
Oh, no I’m on my way somewhere new

And as far as your lack of something to say
Well, to tell me goodbye there was no better way

Kindly unspoken
You show your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words
It’s lucky I’m clever
If I didn’t know better
I’d believe only that which I’d heard

So don’t keep me up till the dawn
With words that’ll keep leading me on
I know much better than to wait for an answer from you

Kindly unspoken
You show your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words
It’s lucky I’m clever
If I didn’t know better
I’d believe only that which I’d heard

You're Not Sorry

All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around.
I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down.
And it's taken me this long baby but I figured you out.
And you think it will be fine again but not this time around.

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, ohh no no no

Looking so innocent, I might believe you if I didn't know.
Could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold.
And you've got your share of secrets and I'm tired of being last to know.
And now you're asking me to listen cause it's worked each time before.

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, ohh no no no

You're not sorry ohh no no

You had me calling for you honey and it never would have gone away, no.
You used to shine so bright but I watch our loving fade.

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for
And you tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, ohh no no

You're not sorry ohh no no no

Being Not Creative

From now on I'm just going to post the lyrics to whichever Taylor Swift song most accurately describes my life at the moment... why am I a seventeen year old girl? I don't know the answer to that question.

I'd Lie

I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes

He'll never fall in love
He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke, I fake a smile
But I know all his favorite songs

And I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie

He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long
And he sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishin' he was mine

I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him
I'd lie

He stands there, then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breath for you

He'd never tell you
But he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My God, he's beautiful
So I put on my make-up
And pray for a miracle

Yes, I could tell you
His favorite color's green
And he loves to argue
Oh, and it kills me
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him...
if you ask me if I love him...
I'd lie