The Whole Truth

I'm feeling very honest tonight so here goes... I'm starting off with this quote because I realized it describes how I'm feeling, “I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be. And so I wish for patience, and grace, and strength to just let him be happy. Mostly I pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what I want.” Instead of in here, we should go out here because anyone who knows me, knows I do all my best thinking, pondering, praying... outside. But back to the whole hard truth, for as long as I can remember I have known what I wanted. The details were fuzzy, but since I was sixteen I have known who I wanted to be with and where I wanted to be with him. As usual, life doesn't turn out how you want it. And I haven't even come close to getting what I want. But it feels like anyone else would be settling. I don't want to settle, so if I can't have him- I don't want anyone. It might sound immature. You might think the spoiled brat in me is rearing her "I want what I want" head. But the more I see of the world, the more I experience life, the better I know myself, the more sure I am of the decision I made when I was sixteen. To be fair, I was a pretty mature sixteen year old... the day I made the decision to settle for nothing less than a temple marriage was just before the day I decided that marriage should be to him. However, as many of you know, I've never really had to work at anything in my life. And it's not like I'm suddenly going to change into the kind of person who fights for what I want... so if I'm not going to fight for him- am I making his life worse by being a part of it?

Official Resignation

I'm officially off the market. I will no longer be looking at boys, talking to them, or wanting to date them. From now on they are just really ugly girls with small boobs. I plan to become a crazy old maid. Maybe they can make a card game where whoever gets me looses- WHAT? They already made that game?! But seriously... so don't try to hook me up with your friends, brothers, roommate from freshman year of college. I'm not interested. As far as I'm concerned the whole species of single men is infected with a deadly infectious disease. If I sound bitter, that's because I am. Loves!

Recent Adventures

So, I have done a few new things lately. I have also done some not new things that were super super fun. Here's a run down for y'all.

1. Hiking Kolob with my Robert friend. Good thing he is uber patient- because I'm not exactly a trooper....
That is where we hiked. Rob took that picture with his phone. I was pretty impressed.
Why do we think it's a good idea to take a picture of me after I've been sweating and whining all afternoon? This was the point of the hike. It was a lot cooler in person. Also, notice how I'm supporting the wrong college. Go Aggies or something. Sorry Thor!
This is from the overlook that you can drive to. If you haven't been to Kolob you should def check it out. I did not enjoy hiking up. But I loved hiking down... ha ha. Poor Bob.

2. Geo-caching. So I was looking for something to do... and of course I was surfing the google wave looking for ideas, when I found a suggestion to go geocaching. So, I googled geocaching, found out what it was... and of course made Robert take me. Again, poor Bob. We went one evening and actually found our cache, with only one minor injury on my part. It was a walk to the coordinates one. Then, Nicole and I were bored one night and made him take us again, but this time I wanted to try a riddle solving one...needless to say, we didn't find the final cache. But we certainly had fun finding clues. And there was the added benefit of Nicole getting a really creepy picture of Robert!
That is the creepy picture. Courtesy of Nicole's facebook. (yes, those are headstones.)
This is Nicole and I having fun geocaching. The far awayness is because we wanted the fire hydrants, also because I wasn't wearing makeup. This picture also courtesy of Nicole.

The highlight of the night though was probably when we left all the car doors open while wandering around the side of the highway in Paragonah and a bunch of moths moved into Rob's car. This was followed by a lot of shrieking by Nicole and me and an utterance of, "Shut your mouth" by Robert. He was referring to the fact that a moth flew into my mouth... but I still, you never tell a girl to shut her mouth! ha ha.

3. My "B" Girls weekend with The Boss, The Bridge, and me (The Bear)


Above picture, me reading to Nicole and Bridge, Bridge sleeps, Nicole wears sunglasses in my bed. Yes, this is how we roll.

We would all lay in the same bed to read a book... For more details, please refer to Nicole's "What Happens In Vegas" blog.

4. Hawaii!!! My mom's family has gone to Hawaii without me like three times...but I got to go this time. It was AMAZING!!!
This was the view from the balcony of my hotel room in Maui.

They have these really cool rainbow eucalyptus trees, and this one has my name carved into it... I don't know ho Seth is, but he loves me!!! Yay.On the road to Hana. This road was so crazy. It's like a one lane road with traffic going both ways, right on the side of a cliff, with hairpin turns, and half the road is completely blind- you can't tell if there is another car coming at all. Half the road isn't even paved. Plus, the locals drive like 60 miles per hour on this road...needless to say, the tour bus almost crashed like six times. But it was one of the prettiest drives I've ever been on.
You can kind of see the road in this picture.

A real luau. It was one of my favorite parts of the whole trip. SO COOL!!!And just in case you were wondering, Maui is 11, 904 miles that way from Zimbabwe- at least, that's what the sign says...

Thank you all for participating in my new and old adventures. I love you all!!!

Out of Touch

The other day my little cousin posted a status on facebook that said, "I hate when people write poned, learn how to spell and get off the internet losers." When did I get so out of touch? I didn't even know what word was trying to be spelled... I had to ask my 15 year old brother. SAAD. So, for those of you who are woefully out of touch such as myself- apparently powned (this is the correct spelling) or "pwned" means owned, as in I own you- typically in reference to beating someone at a computer game or some such thing. Who knew?

Beautiful to Him

So much noise, so much peace destroyed,
I can hardly hear the voice, leading me through the void,
So much noise.
The world's little lies,
Destruction in disguise, opportunities to compromise,
To make me beautiful in their eyes,
But I'm not gonna buy the world's little lies.

'Cuz I define myself and find my beauty in the light He gives.
I'm refined by His divine intentions every day I live.
It doesn't matter what the world believes,
Or what they say that beauty means,
It comes from within,
I want to be beautiful to Him.

He's given me His trust, so I'll be strong enough,
To run from a dangerous touch, I don't need that kind of love,
I don't need that crutch, He's given me his trust.

I define myself and find my beauty in the light He gives.
I'm refined by His divine intentions every day I live.
It doesn't matter what the world believes,
Or what they say that beauty means,
It comes from within,
I want to be beautiful to Him.

I know how to shine, my life's not really mine.
It's not about a worldly climb, it's all about His design.
So in His eyes, I want to shine.

'Cuz I define myself and find my beauty in the light He gives.
I'm refined by His divine intentions every day I live.
It doesn't matter what the world believes,
Or what they say that beauty means,
It comes from within,
I want to be beautiful to Him.

I want to live to have His peace,
And feel the holiness He seeks.
It comes from within.
I want to be beautiful... to Him

Normal,.. HAHA

So, tonight my mom and I were talking about my plans and my life and the stuff I want to do. Sometime during this conversation she turns and looks at me and says, "Why don't you want to do normal things?" Anyone who knows me should know what my response to that was... "Um, I hope I don't do anything normal." Honestly, who aspires to be normal- boring people that's who. You know you love me. Ha ha!

The Next Chapter In My Life...

Jessica does Salt Lake. Questions, comments, jubilations, criticisms of my life choices, etc. are all welcome...